Da Bomb in Phantoms Yo!

I was watching an episode of SNL on E! recently and Ben Affleck was the host. I realized something while I was laughing, though: Ben Affleck is awesome. People talk a lot of shit about, and they don't cut him no slack (although, Gigli cannot be forgiven, I'm sorry). Sure he's made some bad career decisions, but he still seems like a great guy. He is always very funny when he hosts SNL. He is never reluctant to poke fun at himself. He just seems like a real down to earth type of guy; someone you would definitely want to shoot the shit with. If you've ever seen Ben Affleck talking it up with Kevin Smith, then you have a pretty good idea of what it's like to hang around with Ben Affleck. All in all, people just need to lay off him. I'm not trying to be his personal bodyguard, or some crazed fan who "understands" him, but he doesn't deserve all the poop flying his way. His only real mistake, in my opinion, was dating J Ho...I mean J Lo.

The duct tape is in the top drawer...

Monday brought us yet another excellent episode of 24. There was one thing that made me sort of chuckle and that was...duct tape. For those of you not in the know, the terrorists this season have stolen 20 canisters of nerve gas. Long story short, the terrorists had to cut open these canisters very carefully and very precisely so as not to cause a gas leak. To seal them up, however, they used the most versatile tool known to man, namely, duct tape. All I can say is that if terrorists trust duct tape enough to use it as a way to seal a deadly canister of gas, then I too shall put my undying faith into the hands of the almighty duct tape.

Lazy Sunday

I don't know how I let this gem pass me by, but I am so glad that I was finally able to view it. I'm talking about the SNL digital short "Lazy Sunday" starring Chris Parnell and Andy Samberg. If you've ever dreamed of seeing two white guys rap about cupcakes and The Chronicles of Narnia, then this is your ticket to paradise. I think I've seen it at least ten times and it is still just as funny as the first time. There is no real way to describe it other than it's hiLARious...moreso than Nick Cannon. Head on over to YouTube, type in "lazy sunday" and then prepare to laugh your bum off. I know I did. DO IT NOW!

Miller Time?

I am not familiar with the skiing talents of the one they call Bode Miller, aside from the fact that he flails around a lot when he skis and he hasn't gotten a ticket for SUI (skiing under the influence). But that's not the point here (well, it may be later on). The point here is that he is tremendously overhyped, and it's only partially due to his ability to ski. People have found it more entertaining and insightful to focus on his "rebel rebel" attitude. He is well on his way to becoming the poster child of America.

Well, I hate to break it to all of you "Bode"-gans out there in Winter Wonderland, but Mr. Miller is just your typical white, male twentysomething. You could hang out at a college frat party for three minutes and see about 31.4 Bode Millers. Sorry kids, your hero is nothing more than your average zero save for the abnormal fact that he is in the Olympics. I don't doubt that he's trained hard, and he may or may not be giving it his all when he goes out there on the slopes. But the fact of the matter is, nobody would know his name if it wasn't for his actions away from the snowy mountain of death.

Dr. K...

Or how I learned to stop doing anything and love being lazy.

I'm on my computer about four or five hours a day. Yes, my life is pathetic. I know. You'd think that if I spent at least one of those hours writing SOMETHING that within a few weeks I would have completed another "script". But no, not this guy. Instead, I wake up, think about how I'm going to finally start writing again, then let the entire day pass by, go online, and look at stupid shit (which is why the Internet was created in the first place).

Tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow I'll get back on the bandwagon (or off it). I have no job, I've already graduated from college, and I still can't stop masturbating. All reasons for me to get my fat ass gears in motion. By this time tomorrow, I promise to have written at least one page. That sounds like a good (albeit lofty) goal.

Let me just say this in closing: SK is gonna give SB and her A crew a run for their money...hopefully...goddamn my wishful thinking.

Williams on Leno and Chewie

I never thought I would live to see the Maestro John Williams on any type of late-night show, let alone Jay Leno. But here we are, 2006, and Johnny still isn't getting the recognition he deserves. He was on with Yo Yo Ma and together they played a little diddy called "Sayuri's Theme" from Memoirs of a Geisha (which, while being a bit bland for my taste, should be greatly respected for its achievement in delicately combining Western motifs with oriental instruments). Yo Yo Ma got most of the recognition, even though it was Williams who did all of the composition. And even more unfortunate is that most people probably think Yo Yo Ma composed all of the music for Memoirs. Tis a sad state of affairs for our nation. Still, it was nice to see two masters of their craft performing together. Hopefully, John Williams will obtain one more new fan. And here's hoping that in March he gets a new friend; namely, his sixth Oscar.

And on an interesting note, it turns out Chewbacca is real and he has his own blog on Blogspot. I added his blog in the links section. I'm not sure which category he would fall under: writer or funny. We'll stick with funny for now.

"McG"-onald's, "Boll"-ing, and COPS

McG...the next Joseph Kahn...or the other way around? These guys should really stick to their music video roots. Flashy camera techniques (if you can call them that) and bright, flamboyant imagery can only hold you over for so long (approximately 3.42 minutes by my count). Eventually, you have to actually tell a story. Fortunately, there are visionary directeurs like the imaginative Michel Gondry to save the day. Perhaps one day, if we are all so fortunate, McG's cameras will simply catch on fire and explode from all the "hotness" emanating from his flick.

Jumping from one end of the "horrible" spectrum to the other, we encounter a wonderful little Germanite by the name of Uwe Boll. Here's a real piece of work worth commenting about. This man has broken a lot of hearts and destroyed many a dream with his crapalicious adaptations of popular video games. He knows how to take a great idea and turn it into fecal matter. Of course, there may be some method to his madness. It turns out that in Germany, there is a tax loophole that allows investors of films that flop to actually profit from the cinematic failure. How crazy is this? If that happened here in America, everyone would be a billionaire (yes, there are a lot of crappy movies made here; wanna fight about it?). The thing that amuses me the most, though, is the fact that Uwe Boll acts like he is the savior of cinema. He believes that what he is doing is for the good of the common man and is equivalent to the Mona Lisa. I think it's time I change my mind. This man is a genius!

Finally, as if these two men aren't some of the finest examples of the human race, we come to the cream of the crop: the arrestees of the show Cops. But I'm not here to target everyone who gets arrested. No, I'm here to dwell on nature's greatest joke: hillbillies. Most of them never have a shirt on; they always have a beer at the ready (in case he or she needs to drunken himself up some more); and, they always have patriotic stickers on their cars. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want these people supporting me (they did vote for Bush you know). Hillbillies need their own little island for themselves so they can in-breed and make trucker hats.

Teh Blogspot

I currently have 54 blogs under my belt over at MySpace. But recently I've been making the rounds here at Blogspot and have come to like the whole format and environment. Now, I have once again been given the task to turn a new batch of readers on their heads (so I can take their lunch money) and stun the world with my useless posts about whatever I damn well feel like posting about. I apologize for fucking swearing in the previous sentence.

I have posted some of the links to blogs I've been enjoying these past few days. I implore everyone to take a look at them (as if they need my recommendation, or more readers for that matter). They are funny, witty, smart, and insightful. Of course, I'm not very adept in any of those categories, but I try to fake it when I can. Enjoy.