"McG"-onald's, "Boll"-ing, and COPS
McG...the next Joseph Kahn...or the other way around? These guys should really stick to their music video roots. Flashy camera techniques (if you can call them that) and bright, flamboyant imagery can only hold you over for so long (approximately 3.42 minutes by my count). Eventually, you have to actually tell a story. Fortunately, there are visionary directeurs like the imaginative Michel Gondry to save the day. Perhaps one day, if we are all so fortunate, McG's cameras will simply catch on fire and explode from all the "hotness" emanating from his flick.
Jumping from one end of the "horrible" spectrum to the other, we encounter a wonderful little Germanite by the name of Uwe Boll. Here's a real piece of work worth commenting about. This man has broken a lot of hearts and destroyed many a dream with his crapalicious adaptations of popular video games. He knows how to take a great idea and turn it into fecal matter. Of course, there may be some method to his madness. It turns out that in Germany, there is a tax loophole that allows investors of films that flop to actually profit from the cinematic failure. How crazy is this? If that happened here in America, everyone would be a billionaire (yes, there are a lot of crappy movies made here; wanna fight about it?). The thing that amuses me the most, though, is the fact that Uwe Boll acts like he is the savior of cinema. He believes that what he is doing is for the good of the common man and is equivalent to the Mona Lisa. I think it's time I change my mind. This man is a genius!
Finally, as if these two men aren't some of the finest examples of the human race, we come to the cream of the crop: the arrestees of the show Cops. But I'm not here to target everyone who gets arrested. No, I'm here to dwell on nature's greatest joke: hillbillies. Most of them never have a shirt on; they always have a beer at the ready (in case he or she needs to drunken himself up some more); and, they always have patriotic stickers on their cars. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want these people supporting me (they did vote for Bush you know). Hillbillies need their own little island for themselves so they can in-breed and make trucker hats.
Jumping from one end of the "horrible" spectrum to the other, we encounter a wonderful little Germanite by the name of Uwe Boll. Here's a real piece of work worth commenting about. This man has broken a lot of hearts and destroyed many a dream with his crapalicious adaptations of popular video games. He knows how to take a great idea and turn it into fecal matter. Of course, there may be some method to his madness. It turns out that in Germany, there is a tax loophole that allows investors of films that flop to actually profit from the cinematic failure. How crazy is this? If that happened here in America, everyone would be a billionaire (yes, there are a lot of crappy movies made here; wanna fight about it?). The thing that amuses me the most, though, is the fact that Uwe Boll acts like he is the savior of cinema. He believes that what he is doing is for the good of the common man and is equivalent to the Mona Lisa. I think it's time I change my mind. This man is a genius!
Finally, as if these two men aren't some of the finest examples of the human race, we come to the cream of the crop: the arrestees of the show Cops. But I'm not here to target everyone who gets arrested. No, I'm here to dwell on nature's greatest joke: hillbillies. Most of them never have a shirt on; they always have a beer at the ready (in case he or she needs to drunken himself up some more); and, they always have patriotic stickers on their cars. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want these people supporting me (they did vote for Bush you know). Hillbillies need their own little island for themselves so they can in-breed and make trucker hats.
posted by Andres at 3:40 PM
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